You were the sun imploding inside me. I collapsed with your love but I radiated more intensely everyday. You were the love that took off my training wheels. You taught me how to balance my left and right and focus on what’s ahead. You told me to avoid all the things that blocked my way and if it did, look for a way around them. You taught me how to stay through til the bumpy road was over and you’d cheer from behind whenever I made it. Now I’ll remember, everytime I look back from where I stop and stay on my bike, I will always see you and how you managed to help me get here on my own.
You were the imaginary friend that was always there day in, day out. Except, you were real. You were there and you held me through the gashes and scratches of my playground. You pushed me higher on the swing when I thought I couldn’t go any further. You weren’t tired of constantly bringing my side up the see-saw for as long as you saw me smiling when I saw how far up I was. The height of my success was your sunshine through the clouds and that was all I ever wanted from a friend. You were there, and you were real. You were the coffee that woke me up in the mornings and mournings of my life. You were always that first sensation of what was real. Your love made my heart race while my whole body was calm. It was like all of me knew that everything was going to be okay but it still excited me. It was like all of me knew how much your love made me shake and if I had to be honest with myself, my heart still raced 1,654 days after my first sip. Now you’re my supernova. All great loves come to an even grander ending (if it does). You were my sun. And now you’re not. You burned with me fiercely and now we’re floating on the waves of the aftermath. I wish we were thrown into space together but you became a titanic explosion and I needed to break free. It was wonderful, to witness how catastrophically beautiful you were. But the further I drifted, the more I started to see why I needed to detach myself from your gravity. As happy as I was to realize I made the right decision, seeing you became painful. It hurt to see you dying. It hurt where I felt my last life-line snap. Until the end, I was hopeful. Now I’ve drifted too far and now you’re a blackhole. Nothing seems to be enough to pull me back. Sometimes I wish there was a force strong enough to help me swim through the distance between me and you. Sometimes I think it’s safer to be sucked into oblivion with you and start new in some other unchartered space. Then there are times when I think it’s best to be pulled further from you and see if I can create constellations inside me. But one thing’s certain… to see you die, to see where we burned endlessly, to see where we emanated so intensely… it’s already broken the constellations I planned to chart. You’ve broken the safety of my growth and the millions of other suns pulling me in. They’re not the same. They’re not you. You were my brightest. And while I work on the life that’s expanding inside and outside of me, I hope that I can travel far enough to find another universe that has you in it. Until then, goodbye. You were my greatest love and now you are my greatest, most heart-wrenching, most soul-shattering heartbreak.
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